TheBongPlace: The Marijuana Blog

Found this on CraigsList recently and it’s just amazingly awesome! -

You: the guy who answers the phone at cottage inn pizza
Me: Hungry and stoned out of my gourd

I called you from my cell phone but had completely forgot who I was calling by the time you answered the phone. Of course, you were also baked to bajeezus and forgot to tell me that I had called Cottage Inn.

When you answered and said, “Whatsup?” I thought about it, and after a 20 second pause I told you that was hungry. You suggested I try a pizza, and I agreed that it was probably a good idea.

Then I asked you if you sold pizza and you said that you could make me one. I said I wanted anchovies and something else on my pizza. You asked me what that something else was.

We spent five minutes listing toppings until we figured out that I was trying to remember how to say: “Sun dried Tomatoes.” When you said: “We’ll bake that right up for you,” we both started laughing uncontrollably.

It was the best pizza I ever had; I just wanted to thank you for helping me out.

This is just absolutely priceless.? This is why marijuana is better than alcohol!? Can’t think of that many people that have puked from smoking especially a grandma!

These are my personal favorites and there are many many more that just haven’t come to mind yet. Readers, please leave me a message should you have your own quotes to add to the list.

“They lie about marijuana. Tell you pot-smoking makes you unmotivated. Lie! When you’re high, you can do everything you normally do, just as well. You just realize that it’s not worth the fucking effort. There is a difference.” Bill Hicks

“Don’t do drugs because if you do drugs you’ll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison.” John Hardwick

“Penalties against possession of a drug should not be more damaging to an individual than the use of the drug itself, and where they are they should be changed.” Jimmy Carter

“It really puzzles me to see marijuana connected with narcotics dope and all of that stuff. It is a thousand times better than whiskey. It is an assistant and a friend.” Louis Armstrong

“The biggest killer on the planet is stress and I still think the best medicine is and always has been cannabis.” Willie Nelson

“Marijuana is self-punishing. It makes you acutely sensitive, and in this world, what worse punishment could there be?” P.J. O’Rourke

“When you smoke the herb, it reveals you to yourself.” Bob Marley

“If you ain’t got a good job and you ain’t smokin’ weed, then I don’t know what the fuck you are doin’ wit your life.” Kat Williams

“Just hit the blunt one time and see if it don’t change your perception on whats important in your life.” Kat Williams

“Being high is one of the most pleasant sensations available to mankind. Every day is Saturday. It is to be like a child; to perceive events with clarity; to look into the gates of paradise; to completely enjoy whatever you might be doing; to smile so hard that your jaw muscles get tired. Being high is to laugh at the silliest things; to understand things that have seemed absurd before; to have the aloofness of a cat; to afford a kinship with god. To be intoxicated with marijuana makes every superlative seem within your grasp. Being high makes life seem terribly good. Being high is simply grand.” John Rosevear

“When I was a kid I inhaled frequently. That was the point.”? Obama

“Forty million Americans smoked marijuana; the only ones who didn’t like it were Judge Ginsberg, Clarence Thomas and Bill Clinton.” Jay Leno

“I used to smoke marijuana. But I’ll tell you something: I would only smoke it in the late evening. Oh, occasionally the early evening, but usually the late evening - or the mid-evening. Just the early evening, midevening and late evening. Occasionally, early afternoon, early midafternoon, or perhaps the late-midafternoon. Oh, sometimes the early-mid-late-early morning. . . . But never at dusk.” Steve Martin

“How many murders, suicides, robberies, criminal assaults, holdups, burglaries and deeds of maniacal insanity it causes each year, especially among the young, can only be conjectured…No one knows, when he places a marijuana cigarette to his lips, whether he will become a joyous reveller in a musical heaven, a mad insensate, a calm philosopher, or a murderer…” Harry J Anslinger

“Make the most of the Indian Hemp Seed and sow it everywhere.” George Washington

“Marijuana is not a drug!!! I used to suck dick for coke! You ever suck DICK for marijuana?” Bob Saget

“If you substitute marijuana for tobacco and alcohol, you’ll add eight to 24 years to your life.” Jack Herer

“Instead of taking five or six of the prescriptions, I decided to go a natural route and smoke marijuana.” Melissa Etheridge

“Even if one takes every reefer madness allegation of the prohibitionists at face value, marijuana prohibition has done far more harm to far more people than marijuana ever could.” William F. Buckley, Jr.

“Whenever the people are for gay marriage or medical marijuana or assisted suicide, suddenly the “will of the people” goes out the window.” Bill Maher

“I think people need to be educated to the fact that marijuana is not a drug. Marijuana is an herb and a flower. God put it here. If He put it here and He wants it to grow, what gives the government the right to say that God is wrong?” Willie Nelson

“Is marijuana addictive? Yes, in the sense that most of the really pleasant things in life are worth endlessly repeating.” Richard Neville

“Marijuana saved my life. I have no doubts about it and you don’t need to show me any data.” Greg Scott

“If organized religion is the opium of the masses, then disorganized religion is the marijuana of the lunatic fringe.” Kerry Thornley

Please leave a comment if you have a good one!

Well pothead, you looked ahead at your workday and decided that eight hours of Joe-jobbery was simply too boring to get through sober.? Congratulations dude, you’ve just joined a demographic known as the “willingly dumb.”? If you’re anything like me (please dear God let there be others like me), your menial job in customer service/administration/lil’ bitchdom is so terribly unchallenging you need to give your brain a handicap.? As in golf, recommended highness will vary from stoner to stoner, but the main rule is to not be a shithead. Realize that going to work high can sometimes be even more stressful than regular work.? Chatty coworkers, needy customers, and confusing office appliances can frustrate your already struggling mind, and draw unwanted attention from the higher ups. But not if you follow these rules, pothead:

Blaze Naked - Stoners are always worried about whether they smell like pot.? Do you really reek of “Green Jamboree,” or is it all in your head?? To solve this problem, simply get high BEFORE putting your clothes on.? Yes, this means you’ll be ass naked sucking from a wildly colored glass pipe at 8:23am, and whether you count this as a positive or negative is up to you.? In my book, anytime I am simultaneously naked and high is a major plus.

Greet Short - You’ve made it to work, but so have your coworkers, and it’s time to socialize.? This part’s easy, just don’t be too long-winded with your morning hellos.? Now is not the time for oral acrobatics; you’ve got the forethought of an autistic turtle.? Do not second-guess your ability to pull off a normal “Good morning Brian,” and instead giggle out a paragraph of incoherent tangents like a taffy-tongued Bob Dylan.? Basically, the less you say, the less people can judge you by, and believe me, they are judging you.? Constantly.

Something to Stare At - Your jelly brain will naturally want to zone out, which is fine, but don’t do it to something stupid, like a stapler. I agree, both the mechanics and legacy of a Swingline are endlessly fascinating, but that’s no reason to stare at it for 12 minutes.? Remember (I know this is asking a lot), you need to create the illusion of intellectual presence, so bring a “smart” book.? This does not mean a dictionary, but rather something so highfalutin your coworkers won’t care to ask you about it, like War and Peace.? Heck, you might even learn something! (note: you will definitely not learn something).

Congratulations! - Whew, that was harder than I thought.? Time for another hit.? Oh yeah, in case it comes up, neither you nor I have a problem. This is youthful folly dammit! Youthful folly!

Author: Clem Rorsch